To Be Valued

If we are not seen, we are not loved (?)

You know, for such a little introvert, I so desperately want to be seen. I don’t think I’m alone in this, so why? We do we so desperately want to be seen?

I think it is because of this internalized belief that many of us have. That to be seen is to be valued, and to be valued is to be loved. So if we are not seen, we are not loved.

Isn’t this a lie?

Yes, many people, the world in its consumerism, says that we must have value. But what is value? Who defines value? We say we want to be valued but how are we defining it?

I think the world would have us believe our value is in our success. We see the success stories blasted all over the internet and think “yes, this is being valued.” Maybe we have family members who say they want the best for us, but only seem to value us when we meet their version of success. Is this okay? Why do we tolerate this?

One of my favorite movies is the Dead Poets Society. One of the reasons I love this movie is the emphasis on poetry, on art, on literature. That love, passion, and poetry are what we stay alive for. But this movie also confronts what happens when one version of success is in conflict with another.

Neal Perry wants to act. His version of success is to be on stage performing Shakespeare. And he is proud of this, it brings him satisfaction and joy. This version of success does not align with his fathers version of success. His father believes he should be rich and respectable.

This is obviously a watered-down analysis of the Dead Poets Society, but I think you catch my meaning. Which version of success had more of an impact?

I don’t think there is anything wrong with success. I want to be successful in all that I put my mind to. But I know that my version of success does not look like someone else’s. My version of success includes living with intention, pursuing what makes me feel alive, and writing stories. Even if I’m never published, even if my stories never earn me so much as a dime, as long as I am writing them I will consider myself successful.

I think we have, for too long, associated personal success with monetary success. Like Mr. Keating says in the Dead Poets Society, “medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain human life.” There is nothing wrong with these pursuits, many of us will be pursuing such as these as well as our art. The quote continues as I paraphrased above: “But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”

Too many of us believe our success defines our ability to be loved. That we must be seen. What if we saw ourselves? Why do we need others to see us, why can’t we focus on seeing ourselves?

I don’t like looking within. It’s scary in there. Within, I cannot hide. I cannot lie to myself. So I look elsewhere for love before looking within, because somehow that is easier. I tell myself all the time that I do not need to be seen to be loved. That simply to exist is the purest form of poetry. But I still look outward. I still look elsewhere. I still want to be loved by all others and not by me.

But words, true words, are not written with another’s hand. If I want to write something meaningful, I must use my own words. Whether or not they are good, whether or not they are successful, whether or not they are seen. To be a writer is to bare your heart to the world and pray no one takes a bite.

I know no matter what, my words will love me. Because I wrote them, and no matter how twisted and cruel, how can the created not love the creator?

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Thank you for reading my little thoughts! If you want to read more, please consider subscribing, I would love to see you again.

Until then,

Jo